Identity crisis

Recently, I've come to a stark and disturbing realization about myself.

It's rather surreal when you discover that the person you thought you've always been is not actually the person who you are, and that the person who you actually are is a person you don't really like and might even disdain and definitely wouldn't room with if given the option.

If that was a little foggy for you, perhaps this highly legitimate psychological diagram will help:

You see, I've always identified myself as someone who squeezes from the bottom of the toothpaste tube. I've held this delusion about myself to the point that I've often become irritated with siblings/roommates whom I assumed were squeezing my toothpaste from the top and thus indirectly ruining my life--or, at the very least, my morning routine.

Squeezing from the top is illogical and annoying (hence it's an indication of a stubborn, slow-witted personality). There's no way around this fact, even though there are hoards of people on Facebook trying to convince themselves otherwise.

Imagine my horror, then, when I noticed one morning that my toothpaste tube (which I don't currently share with anyone) was squeezed real tight right around the neck. At first, I refused to believe the evidence, but the next morning, when I caught myself actually squeezing the toothpaste from the top, I had to accept the truth.

I belong in that odd Facebook group full of people in denial. I am part of that stubborn, slow-witted demographic. I am not thrifty or logical as I so long believed. And the fact that I'm 25 and only just discovering this simply serves to confirm the sad truth about my dim wits.

Yes, I squeeze my toothpaste from the top. The only time I squeeze from the bottom is when I have to because weeks of squeezing from the top have trapped all the toothpaste at the bottom. Once I let the toothpaste escape from where I've consigned it to, I start squeezing from the top all over again.

I don't even know who I am anymore.